Of Cafes and Families
by Hetalia-und-guns
Summary: Au Dirk could not be there, as work stopped him from being there. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Roxy was there. Dirk just hoped she was sober, or if she was drunk that she was there enough to get through everything.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning:**

**Since it's summer...I just need to write something...**

Dirk had been about sixteen when his parents had been killed. His sister ,Roxy, fifteen. Dave and Rose ten.

Roxy had taken it harder then the other three, and began drinking after ransacking the family of six's, well four's, apartment. She'd managed to find their fathers batch of special wine and Vodka.

Dirk had simply thrown himself into his building of robots. Almost never coming out of his room only to eat, though barely anything.

That was, until Social Services had taken his ten year old siblings away. Dirk and Roxy had fought tooth and nail to get them back, and they, unfortunately, did not win.

And the two lost their younger siblings.

That day, Dirk fought hard to get them back.

Cleaned up the apartment, with the help of his less then inebriated sister, got a job at some Cafe down the street _(So in case his sister needed him for anything, he would only be five minutes away )._

While Dirk worked, Roxy kept into her school studies. Taking weekends and breaks to work for extra money.

Fortunately, one family managed to take in both Dave and Rose, and even let the separated siblings stay in contact.

Now, in the future, Dirk and Roxy are currently eighteen and Dave and Rose are twelve. Legally, Dirk and Roxy are allowed to get their siblings back, but it's all up to the foster family and Social Services. The latter of which, is currently inspecting their house and asking personal questions.

Dirk could not be there, as work stopped him from being there. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Roxy was there. Dirk just hoped she was sober, or if she _was _drunk that she was there enough to get through everything.

Hopefully Roxy remembered to bring them to the Cafe so he could see them before he got home so he could give them a non-Strider hug and embarrass the every loving fuck out of himself.

The time was currently four in the afternoon and Dirk had been horribly jittery. Just waiting for his phone to go off with Roxy's silly little sound of beer being opened ringtone, with the message,

" They won't let us have 'em back, dick!

*dike

*dirk "

He almost shuttered when that thought hit him, but he's a Strider, and Strider's don't shutter.

_Ding ding _went off that stupid bell over that stupid door. Slowly, Dirk gathered his notepad and went towards his new customer.

**Yup yup, starting this XD**

**Dunno why either..but hopefully I can get in a chapter or two before my mom and I head off on our trip_ ( If we even do...)_**

**Soooo~ I'll type maybe tomorrow? **

**Dunno, but "see" ya'll later~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning: Fail use with slang, cursing _(Alittle bit )_**

The weird little fruit that greeted him with a wide smile was a man about his age, maybe alittle older from the look of his height.

The man obviously was out quite a bit, telling from his tan, not one of those ugly-fake-Jersey-Shore-Orange tans. His hair was black and pretty messy, and his eye were a pretty badass color of green that didn't really bug the Strider. Black glasses framed his face.

He had a bit of an over-bit, and his teeth weren't the whitest. His arms were bulky as well as his legs, despite though, he was kind of wimpy looking.

Over all, Dirk found this man to be pretty attractive. Not more than attractive than himself, because no one's as hot as a Strider.

Yeah, way to keep your douchbag levels at a minimum Dick, I mean Dirk.

"Welcome to the greatest place on earth, let me find ya' a seat "

"Jolly good! " Sweet, British accent.

"Whatever bro " Sweet move Strider.

Dirk waved the black-haired man to a booth, because tables suck apples, He gave the fruit a menu. The idiot took it with a dumb grin on his dopey face.

"Thank you good sir! " This man looked like he could transform into a unicorn and bleed rainbows. That reminded Dirk, there was going to be a new My little Pony episode soon...

"Excuse me, are you okay? " He felt alittle tug on his collared shirt and looked towards the _(hunky )_goof ball.

Dirk shrugged his shoulders, before taking out his pink, My little Pony pen and brought it to the pad "You know what'cher orderin'? "

"Why yes I do! "

"Lay it on me bro "

"...Er...Okay...I'd like a cup of tea and a muffin! "

"'Kay bro " Dirk scribbled the order down and began his trek away and to the cook. He gave the small order to Jane Crocker.

Jane Crocker was the Grand daughter to Betty Crocker. Unfortunately, due to her...sexual preference, she'd been disowned. Despite that, she was still a very happy girl, and best friends with Roxy _( Though, he suspects something more between the two. )_

Jane offered a wide smile, before gently taking the slip of paper and began preparing the order.

Dirk put away his pen and pad, and began clearing a table. After a few minutes of clearing, wiping tables and sweeping the little Crocker called him over.

"Dirk dear, the orders up~ "

"Thanks Croc " Dirk ruffled Jane's hair affectionately before taking the plate and cup and making his way to the weird kid.

"Here " He set the plate and cup down.

"Thank you mate! " He grinned, taking a drawn out sip of the tea.

Dirk nodded, before spinning on his heel and making his way to the baking Crocker.

"Sup Croc? " Dirk rested his arm over Jane's shoulder. Watching as she stirred the batch of dough.

"Hello Dirk dear " She offered a small smile. "Do you know if you and Rox are gettin' Dave and Rose back? "

"She hasn't texted me or called..So I'm assumin' no..."

"Oh my..." Jane carefully set her 'special mixing spoon ' down and grabbed Dirk's face. "It's alight dear, I'm sure y'all get your siblings back " She smiled.

"I hope so, Croc...I really hope so..." Dirk sighed, gently pulling out of Jane's hands and lifted his glasses up slightly to rub at his eyes.

"Dirk dear, you'll die at this rate with your worryin' " Jane flicked Dirk's hand, before turning back to her mixing. "Now, get on outta here and get back to your costumers Dirky dear " The black haired girl pushed Dirk out of the little kitchen.

"Fine, see ya' Croc " Dirk whipped away a fake tear "You can cheat...but you'll always love me "

Jane gave a playful smile "I'll always love you Dirk, even if I am cheating! "Jane threw a fake kiss to him. Dirk 'caught ' it, and pretended to stuff it in his pocket.

"Janey~ Don't tell em you're cheating on me...and with Dirk! "

**Yeah, I made Jane and Roxy Lesbians, wanna fight? Nah, I don't wanna fight :3**

**I totally imagine Dirk and Jane being almost Bff's and making little jokes XD**

**Yeah...I have no life and sorry if the conersations are straied/ and or forced...Bluh..**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: Cursing**

There stood Roxy, in all her glory. Her over sized shirt _( That was obviously Dirk's )_went alittle over her knees. She was wearing black _(slight see-through ) _leggings and purple slip-ons. Her little pink cat purse over her shoulder. The obvious drunk flush on her cheeks didn't surprise Dirk.

Dirk's eyes went to her sides, and saw the little brats that he'd worked so hard for.

Little Dave and Rose Strider-Lalonde.

Dave's eyes were covered with shaggy blonde hair. Obviously he'd inherited the eye sensitivity of the Striders side of the family.

Dirk almost felt bad.

Rose had her hair pulled back with a black head band and she had a somewhat blank look on her face. Something..she just didn't seem right with.

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaney~ Stop cheating on meeeeeee "Roxy, obviously forgetting about the two kids at her side, moved fast, albeit alittle wobbly, towards Jane. Roxy tackled Jane and started fake sobbing into her shoulder.

Dirk rolled his eyes and turned towards his siblings, Rose looking between both him and Roxy while Dave was silently moving his hair back into place.

Dirk stepped towards them and squatted before them, "Remember me? " Rose blinked.

"You're our older brother, Dirk. "

Dirk smirked "Pink star for the lil' lady " He ruffled Rose's hair, earning a disgruntled sound from her. "Sup little man "He looked towards Dave, and offered a fist bump.

Dave fist-bumped "Yo "

Roxy pulled away from Jane and draped herself over Dirk's shoulder, a grin stretched her black colored lips. "Dirky Jerky. "

"What? "

"Your new nickname. "

"...I hate you Rox..."

"Lova ya' too~ "

"Dirk dear, can you please get back to work? "

Dirk let out a dramatic, ironic as he would claim, sigh. He coughed into his fist and turned towards his siblings. "Welcome to the greatest place on earth, let me find ya' a seat " He waved his hand to a booth near the door, before handing Rose and Dave a menu, and Roxy a kids menu.

"Dirky Jerky! "

"You deserve it " Rose stated, looking through the menu while Roxy pouted and Dave sat in his seat.

Roxy huffed and slid down further in her seat. Dirk simply rolled his eyes, and walked towards the attractive fruit from earlier.

"Your meal okay, bro? "

"Jolly good sir! " He grinned, one last sip and all his tea would be gone. The muffin, was currently all gone.

"Sweet. "

"Oh! How terrible I am! " The fruit held out his hand, "I'm Jake English, and you? "

Dirk stared at him, before taking Jake's hand in his and shaking "Dirk Strider "

"Nice to meet you Mr. Strider! "

"...Just Dirk... "

"..Alright! Dirk! "

"Oh, and Jake, that'll be a dollar fifty " Jake handed Dirk the money before getting up and leaving, a huge grin as he left.

Dirk raised an eyebrow before shrugging, putting the money in the register and went back to do his shift. Awaiting the seven hour to let him free.

**Anyone have pesterchum? ;3; 'F you do, I'm ballisticProgrammer**** A-add me if ya' want...I don't mind...I-I'm mean...that is if you want to...**

**Bluh, been hangin' out in my recently gotten, Hero of Void hoodie :3**

"**Hey Ray! Did you have problems with this! "**

"**E-Yup! " **


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning:**

**WRITTEN AGAIN WHEN SLEEP DEPRIVED.**

Dirk rolled his eyes at Roxy's antics. Honestly? Making an already gay man hold _and _swing hands? And singing that stupid song from Family Guy was just salt to the wounds.

Roxy was just trying to make our little Dirky Jerky, Rose, and Dave die of embarrassment.

Currently, the four siblings were holding hands and walking home. Roxy, obviously got _way _too drunk and was singing "Left foot right foot " and repeating over and over. Though, because of the slur, it was more like "Let foo reight foo. " Kind of reminded Dirk of Mr. T.

Thus Dirk decided, no more Family Guy for Roxy Lalonde.

"Bro, is she always like this? " Dave questioned, his face oddly straight.

"E-yup "

"..Is it always gonna be like this? "

"E-yup "

"..."

"E-yup "

"...You're gay aren't you. " Rose looked towards him, raising her voice due to being near the current inebriated Roxy.

"E-yu-...wait...How'd ya' figure it out! "

"You seem gay. "

Dirk blinked, staring at Rose.

She was bright...for a twelve year old girl.

"And I'm assuming Roxy is a lesbian? "

"E-yup "

"Lovely, Dave, We're living with Gay and Lesbian siblings. "

"So? Remember, Tom and Jerry? They were gay. And badass. " Dave poked Rose in the neck with their intertwined fingers. "So be nice and accept it. "

"I AM accepting it, David. "

"My name is NOT David shorty. "

"I am not short. I am a perfect height for someone of my age and sta- "

"In other words, you're short as fuck " Dave stated bluntly.

"Kids kids! Stop yher fightin'! "Roxy stomped her foot, managing to break the chain of siblings and throw a tantrum in five seconds.

"Whoa there Rox, "Dirk mumbled, breaking his hold on Dave's hand to, almost literally, throw his tantruming sister over his shoulder.

"Diiiiiiiiiirk! " Roxy squirmed, hitting her fists against Dirk's lower back and swinging her legs to try and hit Dirk in the no-no area.

"Roooooxy! " Dirk mimicked, grabbing a hold of Dave's hand and managing to walk.

"Puhta' meh doooown! "

"No can do Rox "

"Bluuuuuh! "

"You sure know how to handle her "

"After a few years, you get used to it. "

"I see..." Rose mumbled.

"E-yup "

"WHO WANT'S CHOW-DAH! " Yup, no more Family Guy for Roxy.

" **' The no-no area. ' Seriously Ray? How sleep deprived _are _you? "**

"**Enough to be able to talk to myself on a Fanfiction~ "**

"**Jesus..."**

"**Love you too talking Fanficiton! "**

**Icecestro Xi****: S****ince Equius is my Patron Troll, I have a fondness for him ^_^**


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning:**

Currently, Dirk was laying on the floor, along with the rest of his siblings. Dirk, being used as the human body pillow with Dave laying half on half off his chest. Roxy taking up his left shoulder and Rose was buried in the crook of Dirks neck on his right.

Bleary orange eyes opened, he winced at the small beam of light that managed to poke him in the eye. Much like a rabid eyelash. He wrinkled his nose and looked around.

Staring into the calm and relaxed face of Rose, the drooling face of Roxy, and the still straight face of Dave. After looking at Dave, he suddenly remembered the fact that he need cool shades like his.

Slowly, he slid Dave off his chest and set him on the ground and away from the annoying ray from the oh-so wonderful ball of heat. Slowly but surly, he untangled himself from the cuddlers know as his brother and sisters.

He stretched, popping his back and knuckles before heading off into the kitchen to make himself some burnt cereal. Because obviously, you're supposed to put cereal into the microwave. It's what _every_ normal person does!

No matter what other people say!

Though, he didn't necessarily feel like eating warm coca puffs and warm milk this morning.

After making his breakfast, he sat down to eat and think over how much a pair of sun glasses would cost as well as how much two mattresses and sheets as well as pillows and comforters. Or, he could just get a cot, buy one mattress and give up his bed, seeing as Roxy's was covered beer, vodka, and any other alcoholic drinks she could find.

Maybe he could buy a futon...

He could deal.

He let his spoon slip into the bowl before getting up and putting it into the sink, making a note to make Roxy do the dishes. Though, if she tried to throw another wine bottle, he'd take away her drinks and make her sleep in the closet again while making the Grudge sounds.

He yawned, before making his way to the little cramped bathroom and doing his morning routine.

/

Dirk walked out of the bathroom, toweling his hair. After drying his hair, he slipped his pointy anime shades on. Feeling less vulnerable with his shades on.

He noticed that Roxy and Rose somehow managed to curl up together, while Dave was by himself. He sighed, walking back into his room and picking up one of his best friends, Lil' Cal.

His father had given him the puppet. Apparently passed down from him, from his father, from his father's father and so on and so on.

Carefully, almost loving, Dirk set Lil' Cal into Dave's arms. As if afraid that the strong puppet would crumble.

Dirk gave both his puppet, now his little brother's, and Dave a soft pat on the head. He let out a small, barely noticeable smile.

He stood up, his knees popping from crouching.

He yawned, muffling it to keep it from waking the ever light sleeper Roxy. Hopefully she didn't have a nightmare.

Roxy had started having fierce nightmares that made her sleep walk, often, she'd end up outside or sometimes even under Dirk's bed. Usually in very odd places, one time, Dirk had even found her half in half out of the cabinet in the kitchen with her leg in a jar of grape jelly.

Dirk sighed, running his hand through his hair. Considering sunglasses costs about ten dollars, while a mattress about fifty...Adds up to about sixty dollars. Dirk guessed they could use towels for blankets...

All in all, Dirk decided he'd need about seventy to a ninety dollars.

He groaned at the mental math.

Dirk scratched the back of his head, before getting a pen and paper and writing a quick note.

Just wondering where and how he'd get the money...maybe he could borrow some from Sollux, or Equius.

Equius was loaded...so he probably wouldn't care...but he was stingy with money, especially since living with his girlfriend, or was she his fiancé now? He lost track after awhile, always destroyed _something_.

He grabbed his wallet and his favorite orange hat, taking one last look at his brother and sisters before heading out, and locking the door.

**Why do I always write things that have "what the heff were you on when you wrote this? " stamped on it?**

**Now, back to playing Fatal Frame III on Normal (Or whatever I pick _ )**

**XDD I had my tablet plugged in to draw, but then I got a hit "Oh my god! Ideas~! " *Quickly pulls up OpenOffice. And starts typing like I'm a squirrel on crack ***

**Shameless shipping of EquiusXNepeta? Hell yes. :D**

**Okay! I'm watching My strange addiction and this girl, she _drinks _nail polish and she reminds me so much of Terezi 0_0 It's so weird!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: Cursing, and possible a bromance ( Depending on if the Dirk in my head decides to bromance with the Jake in my head...)**

**FO RJWGJPA JESUS LORD COCKROACH. Excuse me while I sit on my desk in the fetal position...**

Dirk scratched his head, the meeting with Equius wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst. Even though Nepeta apparently got a hold of catnip and went batshit insane causing severe damage to...well...everything.

Though, because of her "Disrespectful behavior " Equius loaned him one hundred and fifty dollars. More then enough. Dirk could probably use the rest to pay for Roxy's over due phone bill.

Currently, Dirk was walking down his street to Walmart, attempting to look inconspicuous as possible with a wad of cash in his pocket.

Just thinking what he would have to get everything. Either get items that had the lowest price or just go crazy. He picked being everything with the lowest price.

Dirk scratched his forehead.

"Dirk? " He turned around to the fruit from yesterday. Looking overly happy. "It IS you! " This kid looked- Holy shit...He's taller then Dirk.

Dammit.

Had he been a lesser person, he would have pouted. But he is a Strider, and Strider's do not pout, well..Roxy's a special case.

"Sup bro " Dirk raised a simple hand in greeting. Tensing up when Jake swooped down for a bone crushing hug that lasted way to long for the blonde.

"Dude, this is like, moving way too fast! " Jake looked confused "We haven't even had dinner yet, now you're trying to grope me? Ugh, pervert " Dirk mocked disgust.

Jake looked flustered "B-blimey...what? "He quickly backed away from the "disgusted " blonde. "S-strider! What in the world are you jabberin' on about? "

"You're trying to take advantage of me, aren't you, Mr. English " Jake's face was absolutely comical.

"O-oh my go- Strider! "The fruit's face was a comical bright red "I-i am NOT a homosexual!"

"Oh, so you're playing THAT card then? " Dirk hid his face in mock shame "I thought you loved me! " He pretended to sob.

"O-oh blimey...! "

Dirk smirked.

God he loved screwing with people's heads. Especially acting like a PMS-ing Roxy when she doesn't get enough vodka ice cream.

Dirk yawned before spinning on his heel and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Well bro, I'm off " Dirk raised a hand before he started walking.

"Ah! Wait! Mr. Strider "Jake quickly ran up beside Dirk, and started walking with him.

"What? "

"O-oh...well..I was wondering if-...where are you going? "

"To the best frickin' place on earth "

"..The zoo? "

"..No, Walmart "

"Ohhh okay! " He grinned "Mind if I accompany you? "

"mm..Guess I don't. "

"Jolly good! " Jake grinned, obviously very pleased with everything.

"Yes good George, let's have a tea party with crumpets and the muppets. "

"Strider. "

"Yes, Mr English? "

"Are you..taking something you shouldn't? "

"I don't think so, maybe Roxy slipped something into my cereal... "

"That...wouldn't surprise me much "

/

After about three hours, Dirk, and his new accomplice, made there way towards Dirk's shabby little apartment. Currently, Dirk was holding all of the other necessities that his little family would need, while Jake was carrying the futon.

"Thank ya' kindly Mr. English " He unlocked the door and opened it, stepping in before turning around.

"No problem Mr. Strider! "

"Though, I am expecting dinner and a movie next time " He closed the door with a smirk. It's always fun teasing people.

"**Hey! I gotta really sweet scar on my arm! "**

"**Really? From what? I bet you were fighting someone with a beer bottle or something! " **

"**...A-actually...I just went out to get the mail...and I ran into a bundle of wires..."**

"**..."**

**I've actually pulled that card on my friend XDD I think I freaked her out, because for the next hour I was like "Where's my dinner! "**

**And there is my firm belief that my friends love me even though I'm an annoying person with a pinch of being slightly perverted :D**

**Okay, I have a request, mostly because I've never requested anyone for _anything_. So. I was wondering if anyone could write me a Twins!SolEri..or even a SolKat storie...that is...if you want to! Nobody has to! **

***Nervous laugh * I-I'm gonna leave now.. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning: General, language, OOC..Etc**

**I'M BACK...FOR TODAY. (See the very end for my excuses )**

Dirk yawned, rubbing his eyes.

He felt numb, but accomplished. He had his siblings back, he add a little bit of extra cash to give them food, pay the bills. Everything felt right to him.

He smiled, and lent against the counter.

Unfortunately, that day had been a very slow day, a rare costumer coming in every hour or so. He sighed, closing his eyes and somehow managing to dream.

_Roxy ran through the white house, dressed in a banana suit. Screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKER! " while throwing skittles at Barack Obama._

"Holy shi-! " Dirk shot up, blinking rapidly and looking around.

"Dirky dear? " A comforting hand was placed on his shoulder. He faced towards little Janey, "Are you okay? "

"Fine.." Dirk yawned, swatting lazily at Jane as she attempted to feel his forehead. "Just a...really weird dream "

"I see... Weirder then mine I guess? "

"Well, it depends, do you have dreams of Roxy in a banana suit throwing skittles at the president of the united states? "

"No...but I have dreams where You and Jakey are sliding down a rainbow in donkey suites while singing the numa numa..."

"...Touchè " Jane looked way to happy about herself.

"I'm glad~ " She giggled as Dirk ruffled her hair.

"Better be Miss. Croc " He mumbled, yawning.

"If you're tired dear, you can take a nap, I think I can handle the fort " She smiled softly at Dirk.

"If ya' don't mind, Croc..but damn am I gonna owe ya'..." He put his head down again, closing his eyes. He almost jumped when he felt soft, small, thin hands running through his hair. He let out a breathe, before falling into a deep sleep.

God, he felt so relaxed.

/

"Dirk...sweetie? " He saw a woman with golden hair, and eyes that were so much like a sunset. "..Momma? " He whispered.

"Wha? " No..this wasn't that woman. This one had short black hair and sky blue eyes as well as two prominent buckteeth. "Dirk dear, you alright? " and her voice...it sounded nothing like the sweet, honey Texan voice that the blonde had. She sounded somewhat like a southern bell.

No similarities.

He blinked, rubbing his eyes. "I'm fine Croc... " He mumbled, sitting up from his slouched position to stretch.

"How long was I asleep? "

"Ah, well..you fell asleep at about one...so...about four hours "

"Good, I didn't sleep through my whole shift " He scratched the bridge of his nose and got up "What happened while I was out? "

"Nothin' really, well, a man wielding a knife came in and demanded that I give him all of the money. You know, the usual "

"Ah, good, glad I didn't miss anything important " Jane giggled, patting Dirk's shoulder.

"I'm glad as well dear " She smiled, "Now, ya' outta get to work sweetie " She walked back into the little kitchen, not even noticing when Dirk looked towards her.

He blinked, before getting up, and beginning his work.

Thinking that just for a second. Jane sounded like that one person that he'd missed for two, long agonizing years

She sounded just like _his mother_.

**What's gonna happen next! **

**Fuck I unno..**

**I've mostly been off because I've been reading a lot more, drawing and basically being a lazy ass because I could not for the life of me, inspire myself to continue this _(I'd actually typed three sentences before deleting everything. ) _Plus, the whole fiasco around here made me kinda...eh, about being on here.**

**But guess what~ Well, I'm leaving tomorrow for a week. Sooo..yeah .-.'**

**Bai~**


	8. Chapter 8

**Warning: General, language, OOC..Etc**

**I'm actually writing another story on DA called "It's not your fault " Soooo~ Check it out if ya' want .3. _(Huzzah for self promotion ) _Oh! And a non-Homestuck storie called "His Amethyst eyes "**

It's been a few months since the time of getting Rose and Dave back, and meeting Jake. Those months had been awesome to Dirk _(Or Bro, called fondly from little Daveyway. ) _He'd managed to earn a nightly job that brung in a lot of money. Roxy had graduated, and snagged a job with at a science institute.

Now, it was December, and the Strider-Lalonde family could be able to actually get something that Christmas.

Dirk had bought a pink head band for little Rose and mini turntables for Dave, Non-alcoholic wine for Roxy as a joke, a light blue sweater that would go wonderfully with Jane's eyes _(Dirk hadn't said that, Roxy did..! ) _and for Jake.

A green skull. _(Custom made of course, because who in their right mind would make a gree-...oh..wait, Internet. Right. )_

Because apparently the bone head liked skulls. Alot.

Oh..right...Since most of their birthday's were in December, they decided to hold all presents until Christmas. Even though that made them wait for a long time. Rose and Dirk being the exception. _(__*****__Dirk on the nineteenth and Rose being on the twenty-eighth. While Dave and Roxy were on the fifth and the latter on the seventh. )_

***Yeah..I kinda gave them the birthday's of my cousin and myself (Nineteenth and the **wenty-_eighth_** )XD **

**YES! Now it'll end on an even note X'3**

**Yeah, the next will be the last chapter .3.**

**And the long await kissu~**

**Baibai~**


	9. Chapter 9

**Warning: General, language, OOC..Etc**

**We're doin' this man, we're makin' it happen.**

It was currently 10:30 pm on Christmas.

Roxy had invited Jane, Dave and Rose had invited their individual friends; John Egbert and Kanaya Maryam.

Egbert was a...dork to say the least, and Kanaya was very polite _(Earning the classiest Vietnamese award from Roxy) _and Dirk had invited Jake. Come on, WE ALL EXPECTED IT.

Currently, Everybody was residing on the couch. Dave and John arguing about who was better, Nicholas Cage, or Chuck Norris. While Rose and Kanaya were talking about something very..obscene. While Roxy and Jane...Well, who knew? Probably in the bathroom making out or something.

Jake looked awkward and Dirk just kept watching his episode of My Little Pony. Taking a sip of orange soda after a few minutes.

Dave stood up "Hey bro, we're gonna go to my room since your show is borin' as hell. "

"Be back by dinner. "

"...I'm not leaving "

"Still, be back before dinner, or else Rox's gonna throw a big fat lesbian fit. "

"...Whatever bro " Dave grabbed John's wrist and ran to his room. While Rose and Kanaya stayed to be with the two men on the couch.

"Hey, Dirk, " Rose spoke up, walking in front of the blonde lounging on the couch.

"Hm? "

"What are we going to eat tonight? "

"Hm..." Dirk pushed his shades up "How about...Chicken, potatoes, and carrots? That sound good? "

"That sounds good, right Kan? " Kanaya smiled and nodded.

"It sounds jolly fine! " Jake grinned.

Dirk stood up, stretching and popping his shoulders and back. He yawned and walked around the couch, patting Rose on the head. She made a noise and swiped at the back of Dirk's knees, he dodged and smirked down at Rose as she glared at him.

"You'll never be fast as me, Rosie " Had she had her knitting needles, Rose probably would have jabbed them in Dirk's stomach. He silently thanked Kanaya for being there.

"You don't need speed when you know how to pick locks AND know where the chainsaw is."

"You don't know how to operate a chainsaw..." Dirk mumbled, tilting his head.

"I believe I am the one with the knowledge of a chainsaw. "Kanaya smiled, a dark look on her face.

Dirk faked a pout "Man Kan, and I liked you to..." He put a hand to his chest "I feel _soo _betrayed. Oh my heart! "

Rose rolled her eyes "Oh go make the food you dumb slave " Rose pushed at Dirk. "And stop coming on to my friend.

"I'm sure she likes it, no one can resist this hot Strider ass. "Dirk said putting his hands on his hips and strutting.

"Oh mister Strider, oh~ " Kanaya said, putting one hand on her heart and one to cover her eyes and swooned.

"See, your friend likes me more then you, Rosie " He fake pouted.

"Because she's easily faked, now " Rose stood tall _(As tall as going to a few inches above Dirk's waist tall )_ pointed towards the kitchen, pursed her lips and scowled. "Go. Make. Dinner. Now you creepy pedophile. "

Dirk grumbled, making his way to the kitchen "Fine fine you little pain in my as- "

"Mister Strider I'll help! " Jake jumped up, making his way to the kitchen with Dirk.

"and I ain't no pedo! " He stomped into the kitchen, taking out a few cooking items while Jake floundered around.

Dirk rolled his eyes "Get the can of carrots, mix of potatoes and thing of chicken breast out, dummy. "

"Oh..right! " Jake quickly walked to the cabinet and wormed his way through going from the large one, to the middle shelf to the last shelf. Before finding nothing and doing it another time.

"Aha! " He pulled out a can of carrots, and set them on the shelf as he tried to find the box of potato mix. "I found 'em Strider! "

"Wooo, let's throw a party! " He pocked his head back out into the living room. " Rose! Get the strippers! "

"But, I thought they were for Dave when he hits puberty " Rose titled her head.

And speak of the devil "Someone said ' Dave' 'puberty' and ' strippers' in the same sentence? "

"No Davey, now go back to your room."

"Maaan, y'all suck D-"

"Dave! " Dirk yelled.

"Eggs. Y'all suck eggs. "

"Good boy." Dirk nodded, before Dave went back to his room, with John, alone.

"Mister Strider I think I found the potatoes! " Dirk turned back to Jake in his kitchen, holding a box/bag of potato mix. He held it out to Dirk.

**-Alternate- **

Jake gave a predatory smirk as Dirk reached towards the potato mix.

Jake grabbed Dirk's wrist and slammed him against the wall, and forced him into a rough kiss that made Dirk moan.

And then they did it. While Dirk kept his shades on.On the kitchen floor._ ( While an unknown man watched them while also, wearing shades. )_

**-Original - **

Dirk took the potato mix and walked to the refrigerator pulling out the chicken breast. Before setting them on the butcher block next to the stove.

"Thanks Jake for getting this shit. "

"Ah! No problem..um Bro! " He grinned.

Dirk rolled his eyes "Stop tryin' so hard bro. " He mumbled, as he unwrapped the chicken breast and placed it into the pan.

"I'm trying to be 'hip' and 'cool' " Jake grinned, looking very happy. Dirk rolled his eyes before checking on the food.

"Hey..Strider..."

"What? "

"Um.." He scratched his head "Do..are..you..um..do you know..if you like guys? " He looked a bit flustered.

Dirk raised an eyebrow "Why do you ask? "

"I'm just curious..."

"You're gay. "

"No! I still like girls! "

"So, you're bi. "

"I..guess? But what about you? "

"I'm Pansexual "

Jake nodded. "But you still like boys, yes? "

"...If I didn't, why do you think I'm getting _gay_ strippers for when Dave hits puberty? " Jake stared at the Blond, slightly perturbed.

"To mess with his head? "

"That, and I like seeing men dressed in sexy outfits. " Dirk looked at the stove.

Jake nodded. " I see then.."

"Yup. "

"Hey, Strider...Do you by chance fancy me at all? "

Dirk stared at him, his brown eyebrows almost visible over his shades. Which was weird, since he is blonde...maybe he dyed it?

While Jake was mulling over this rather important discovery, he had no noticed that Dirk had to gotten closer to him.

"Why do you ask, Mister English? " He looked into the shaded eyes of one Dirk Strider. He was so close, almost as close that Jake could reach down, and stroke Dirk's nonexistent mustache.

"Well...because..I happen to fancy you, Mister Strider. " He mumbled, as Dirk slithered his arms around the back of Jake's neck, so he rested his hands on Dirk's hips.

"Well, Mister English, what happened if I happen to like you back? "Dirk mumbled, getting closer to Jake.

Jake stared at him, before blushing and pushing his lips to Dirk's.

It wasn't that perfect and it wasn't that bad. It was sloppy and wet and warm.

"HOLY SHI-BROOOOOOO "

"What, you ain't never seen a woman naked? "

"NOT MY SISTER!

Dirk and Jake pulled away, staring into the vicinity of the Living room. Jake laughed nervously while Dirk smirked and went back to cooking.

Defiantly a normal day.

"BRO! ROXY AND JANE ARE HAVING NAKED LESBIAN SEX IN THE BATHRO- "

"He don't care! "

BROOOOOOO-"

**Dooooooooone~**

**I've worked about...six to seven hours on this /Le dies**

**Anway, y'all better like this, or Imma cry and curl up tonight with the sound of rain and sob. Nah, y'all ain't gotta like it X'D**

**Anyway, bye and it was fun while it lasted. And I think everyone for putting up with my shit, and I'm really glad you guys like what I write.**

**So thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts. It really makes me smile when I get one and my heart makes this weird flip flop in my chest.**

**So again, thank you a lot. I'll be continuing to write other stories _(If my two stories don't already take up my time. ) _So, if anyone ever wants to talk to me, go ahead. **

**I love talking to new people ^_^**

**Anyway, I'm gonna go now .3.**


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